I took a leap of faith. I trusted that the longing in my heart was not just a whim. That this need to create that has been part of my conscious and unconscious life for as long as I can remember had validity. I enrolled in a printmaking class at the local art enter. I was scared. I have found lots of ways to express my creativity that didn’t really stretch my abilities. I made photographs and lots of computer art but never tested my ability to draw.
Well, that’s not completely true. I did draw a horse once and showed it to my Dad and then had to sit through a 20 minute talk on how to draw a horse. And there was a teacher in high school that was so frustrated with my painting of pumpkins that she angrily shouted through the class I had no talent. And the painting teacher in college that said I had no soul and nothing to say because I painted apples. Well, those were the lowest points. There were higher points. Not as memorable, but definitely lingering there in the back of my mind. Like drawing a purse to be admitted to the Art program when I changed high schools mid junior year. I amazed myself…I’m sure it was a fluke. Or winning the blue ribbon for a pastel drawing at the county fair. There probably wasn’t that many entries. I never went to the show, just dropped off the drawing and picked it up…again totally amazed! It had a blue ribbon!
So, stepping out of my comfort zone and into this class was a big deal…very big.Besides the whole “can I draw thing”, I had given up my photography. It was the plan that the photography would finance the retirement and here I am about to retire and giving it up. I must be nuts! But the photography wasn’t making enough to finance the retirement and I have to work a few more years. So, damn it, I’m going to follow that dream I’ve had all my life and make stuff I want to!
But I am really nervous about all this!